A while ago I wrote a post that I later deleted, about friendship I thought I was losing. Today I thought I would rewrite and reword that post, so that maybe if anyone else is going through this we can help each other to understand. I've had a best friend for 10 years. We were unseperable and unstoppable, even after she went to University and I stayed behind and went into work. But that all changed back in July this year. It all started when she announced a house party at her Uni flat to celebrate her last few days there before graduation and naturally I was up for it. However, I had also promised to spend that weekend with my boyfriends family as it was his Grandfather's 80th. My friends flat was not close so her suggestion of "just nipping over" wasn't really an option and, of course, she wasn't happy at my cancellation.
You're probably thinking that I shouldn't have put my boyfriend before her or that I should have checked my diary before saying I would go, and yes I know that and I apologised over and over for it but ... after that, things just went sour. We didn't talk for months after that, she read all messages and ignored them and after a while I gave up. We have seen each other briefly a few times since then but it's been cold and awkward. I messaged her apologising for anything I had done and that I missed her terribly and whilst she assured me that nothing had changed, everything had. It's become quite clear that she has no wanting of my friendship anymore and that's something I've started to come to terms with. I found out just before Christmas that it isn't just me who's noticed this, that she's been the same with most of our friends and they all feel as exhausted by it as I do.
I suppose the point of this post is to just say, to you and to myself, that sometimes things just don't last forever. For a long time I stressed myself about it, checking facebook constantly and composing long messages before deleting them before I could press send. I still do it occasionally I'll admit but for the most part, I've accepted that I probably wouldn't get a response anyway. I think it's important for me to remember that after 10 years of speaking every single day and sharing so many memories, she was able to just ... stop. And that silence says everything. For anyone else reading this and thinking it sounds familiar, if your friend was able to shut you out after something silly or petty, are they really worth your energy? I still have people who love and want to be around me, and so do you. It's just time to move on I'm afraid, because they sure as Hell have. It's not as simple as that, I know, it took me 5 months to get to this stage. And hey, I've lost more than one friend over the years, but what makes this so much more different is that those other friends ... it was a mutual distance, we both went our seperate ways and we both chose different paths. But for someone to cut you off just because things don't go their way, is that really someone you want to pine after? I've been rambling on this post long enough now so I'll wrap it up here, somethings just aren't worth the hassle. And maybe in letting them go, you'll be opening up a space for something new to take it's place.
I won't be making any new Blog Posts until the new year now, not that anyone reads this blog anyway, but if anyone wants to leave a comment on here or needs to get something off their chests I will be here to listen and respond.